I’m so upset. I had this really spectacular post written then the electricity went out and, BAM, bye bye post. Whaaaaa, I want my word-perfect program back!!! It would automatically save stuff when that happened.
Anyway. I’m starting to feel better today. The way I can tell is that I actually did some house cleaning and I’m down stairs writing as Max naps.
The nice thing about the work that I do is that when I’m not feeling so great, I can slack without a boss looking over my shoulder. Yeah, boss-man Max won’t let me be lazy when it comes to minding him… but ain’t no one gonna tell me to clean my house when it’s messy! Hal is super laid back and never even makes a passing comment about the state of affairs on our living room floor and kitchen table. If it gets to him, he’ll clean it himself. Damn, sometimes I wish it would get to him, more. But, usually, it’s all waiting for me when I feel better. Though, if I actually cared enough about that to ask Hal to pitch in, he would. To give props where props are due: he’s always on top of the dishes and keeping the kitchen clean. But, heh, that is about it. Oh, and he’ll do laundry if *he* needs it and I haven’t done it. EDIT*Oh wait! I forgot, he scrubs the bathroom tub, too. I like this stuff about him, though. I like that he doesn’t *expect* me to do everything all the time. He’s pretty chill like that.
Parenting sure does bring up a lot of conflicts. I can see why so many people get divorced these days! Not that Hal and I are anywhere near the “D” word, but I can understand why people sometimes just “give up.” Our latest issue has been how we both discipline. Or, rather, how we discipline differently. I am very gentle and come from the perspective that children should be shown how to do something, redirected from what-ever they are doing that is naughty, never yelled at, never spanked, and well, guided into good behavior. I feel that it is better to discipline by guiding because children should learn to do what is right because they understand that it is more productive to do so not because they are afraid of mommy and daddy’s reactions.
Hal, well, he believes all that BUT, often has a shorter fuse than I do and has no problem with occasionally yelling at Max. Because he isn’t around the boss-man as much as I am, he hasn’t had the same amount of time to cultivate strategies and form new ways to deal with the very new, intense, and quick stress a toddler brings. Hal rarely yells but when he does I just get so upset about it.
The other thing that has been bothering me is that I read parenting books like a fiend and Hal has yet to pick one up. It’s just not his shtick. He is very intuitive and open to my suggestions so doesn’t feel the need to read like I do. Parenting books also bore him.
We had a mega conversation about all this stuff the other day but I know it won’t be the last one. We just have some fundamentally different ideas about parenting that are going to constantly need revisiting. I’m starting to get that. I’m starting to get that this is OKAY.
I’m working on accepting that we are going to do things differently in many regards and he is working on having more patience by not reacting to the frustration he encounters while parenting the boss-man. Ironically, he had to learn this in regards to our relationship as well. He gets his quick temper from his mama.
I’m also beginning to see that I need to chill the hell out about Hal not reading parenting books. It’s hard to admit, but, just because I need them doesn’t mean I should consider that a need of Hal’s.
Wow. All this and Max is only just about to turn two. And we have another one on the way! I’m scared.
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