I am so depressed. These past two nights I haven’t gotten very much sleep because Bella’s sleep patterns are changing. She’ll still go for five hours but then she is waking up every hour. I wonder if she is teething.
Max is refusing to take a nap today. I laid down with him for an hour and he just wouldn’t fall asleep. Some people may think it is some kind of luxury to take a nap during the day but for me it is a necessity. Not only do I get less than five hours of sleep every night, but RA has a nasty side affect of fatigue.
Max had me get up from our “nap” and make him pasta for lunch – a lunch I tried to get him to eat before we laid down. As I was making it, he woke Bella up. I brought him downstairs to eat so she could fall back to sleep and now he is saying, “all done,” after two bites. I want to cry. It’s stuck in my throat wanting to come out but it just sits there. I’m so angry and tired. It is taking all of who I am to not lash out at Max or break this computer right now. All I want to do is sleep. I think I’ll go upstairs and make some coffee. I’m certain Max will fall asleep right as Bella wakes up.
Amazing what sleep deprivation can do to you. Some days I have to remind myself over and over again that eventually they will sleep through the night. That this won’t and can’t last forever. I think back to how hard I thought it was with one, and how little appreciation I had for being able to sleep when she did! I can rarely get them to sleep at the same time. Oh well…..this to will pass.
Oh, mama, I wanted to cry reading this post. I have felt moments like that stuck-in-your-throat moment and they are no good. I have pondered this nap dilemma often these last few days, because I am soon to enter the world of two children (did you know that yet???) and B. is not napping at all anymore. I think I’m going to start now by instilling a mandatory quiet (alone) time in the afternoons. I hope it works. Dear God, I hope it works. Hang in there, babe. We, the nature mamas, love and revere you.