With the exception of BellaGrace joining our family in February, this year has been pretty crappy. I’m just hoping that the second half of it goes better.
I’d like to itemize how crappy my life is right now:
- Monica dies
- I get turned down for permanent disability by the insurance company I had when I was working – my attorney is still working on my case in hopes of getting them to pay something - I have lost hope on that ever happening
- My court date for social security disability gets shoved back another five months
- Hal discovers he has to start paying on one of his student loans that mystically wasn’t consolidated with his other loans – he had no idea and just kept ignoring the bill thinking it was a scam
- My arthritis has gotten worse
- Hal’s back has started hurting again (3 herniated disks)
- Bella has horrible eczema and we can’t figure out what is causing it. However, we are now leaning towards a dog dander allergy which sucks because we can’t get rid of our dogs
- Oscar had a seizure that was traumatic for both Hal and I to witness
- Oscar’s hospital and vet bills
- Hal and I are constantly being reminded that our “family support” is shaky at best
- Our bathroom is about to fall through the floor – repairing the water damage is more than we can afford
- Our house smells like piss because Oscar is incontinent and it took us a day to get him some diapers
- We need to replace our carpet with tile but of-course, can’t afford it
- We are not able to relax because we are on “seizure watch” for the next two weeks
NO WONDER I’m in therapy right now!
What’s good right now?
- Both my kids are healthy
- Camus is still healthy
- Despite our pain issues (which are manageable), Hal and I are healthy
- We have working cars
- We have a roof over our heads
- We have clothes to wear
- We have food to eat
- We have clean water to drink
- We have each other
- I have wonderful friends
- I’m able to scrape enough money together for a therapist every week
- We have a lot of love in our home
- Max is pooping and peeing on the potty
- Despite her skin issue, Bella is a happy baby who sleeps/eats/poops/laughs/coos/baby babbles/and has obvious love for her family
- Max is growing into a very compassionate little boy and I’m starting to figure out his personality and how best to talk so he will listen (not an easy parenting job, let me tell you)
Okay, still one up on the good.
Oscar is recovering. It will be a slow recovery because he had a major seizure that caused a temperature of 107 degrees. He’s on medication and we have valium for him incase he starts to seize again (it will prevent it from happening – hopefully). He was really out of it when we got him home – think of what a tweaked out junky looks like who can not blink, relax, or sleep. We kept him isolated in our bathroom vanity area to keep Bossman away from him and to help him to feel safe. He seemed to recognize us when we first got him home, then acted scared of us, now he’s responding to his name and simple commands/words. He’s out of his isolated area and seems to be dealing well with Max running around/making noise. He probably has some brain damage but the vet told us that dogs don’t really need much of their brain to function “normally.”
We are having a hard time relaxing because every time Oscar breaths differently we’re checking to make sure he’s okay. Hal has slept out in the living room on the floor with the dogs twice so that the kids and I could get some sleep – have I mentioned how much I love that man? It will take about two weeks for the seizure medicine to really get into Oscar’s blood stream. At that point, we’ll meet the Oscar that will probably be the Oscar we’ll have from then on out – hopefully not too different from the pre-seizure Oscar. We are just happy that we have him at all.
I’m trying to keep Hal’s spirits up enough so that he doesn’t fall into depression – a lovejob that I have my therapist and friends to help me with right now. All I can really do is stay positive and keep reminding us both that we’re due for something wonderful to happen any day now.