I wanted to go into more detail about what I meant when I said, “I have realized in a big way that “adjusting” to having two kids is not about me but about helping Max adjust.”
I have found that having a second baby is not as difficult as I thought it would be. I have that feeling of, been there done that, when it comes to Bella. In fact, it is even easier this time around having an infant than it was the first time. All she does is poop, eat, and sleep. Oh, occasionally she cries to let me know that I need to attend to her needs. Now, with Max, this is all new territory. I’ve had to learn how to set new boundaries with him, teach him how to touch his baby sister, and help him to adjust to sharing ME with Bella. Every new parenting challenge has been set by Max’s needs and me having to figure them out. As Bella grows, I’ll face the challenges of figuring out her personal needs as well. Some of her needs will be drastically different than Max’s were at the same age. However, right now, in her infant stage – she’s pretty easy. Well, that was a lot easier for me to explain than I thought it would be.
I’m down to nursing Max before and after naps and when he wakes up in the morning. Nursing him less hasn’t made me like it any more. I’m still gritting my teeth and barely bearing it. One reason I can’t stand it anymore is because Max, being the toddler that he is, can not sit still as he nurses. In fact, the only time he can sit still is when he is sleeping. Another reason… I just want to see some actual steps to getting my body back. I’m working on it… I envision Max being completely weaned within the next two months.
I mostly mourn the loss of my friend while by myself. I don’t want Max to see me crying. Sometimes I cry in Hal’s arms but mostly I’m alone. The pain is still as intense as it was the day I found out she died. However, I’m noticing that the crying is becoming less frequent. Memories just flood in uncontrollably and a deep feeling of loss and sadness follows.
Max is using the potty almost full-time, now! Woo Hoo! He still wears a nappy when we go out (I‘m not ready to brave the public restrooms with him, yet), during naps, and at night but other than that he uses the bathroom when he’s got to go. When he wants to go by himself he’ll look at me while standing at the bathroom door, hold his pointer finger up and say, “hold on one sec, I’ll be right back, mommy.” He’s getting so big.
Bella is growing fast, too.