I have a confession. This is really hard for me to write for fear that those who don’t have children won’t understand and those that do have children will look down on me. I’m feeling regretful that we had a second baby. Of-course I love Bella. I wanted Bella. We [...]
Archive for the ‘Depression’ Category
Not da’ mama.
Posted in Adjusting to a new baby, Confessions, Depression, Rough Day on June 2, 2007 | 7 Comments »
Free Bird.
Posted in Depression, Max's First's, None, Num-Nums, The Out-Laws on May 15, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
I really did know better than to try and level with my MIL. If there is one thing she can’t handle, it is hearing that someone is depressed. So scary for her. She and my BIL talk about depression as if it is a weakness or disorder. The only reason I [...]
A sucker for self imposed punishment.
Posted in Depression on May 14, 2007 | 3 Comments »
Me: Do you know what kind of doctors appointment I am going too? I’m going to see a therapist.
MIL: OH NO!
Me (trying to ignore the mortified look on her face): Yeah, I’ve been feeling some depression lately…
MIL (interrupting me): OH God, I hope you aren’t going to turn out like your [...]
Contemplating leaving the house.
Posted in Depression on May 9, 2007 | 1 Comment »
Slept in today, but really, it’s not “sleeping in” so much as “catching up” on much needed sleep. A difference I had to explain quite tartly to my husband when he pouted, “why don’t I ever get to sleep in?” Once he heard the answer to his question, he said, “ahhh, you make a [...]
A letter to my friend.
Posted in Depression, Letters on May 8, 2007 | 1 Comment »
Dear Monica,
Hi. I know you are no longer here with us (unless you are hanging around waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and say, Boo!) but I had to write you this letter. I was up for hours last night composing it in my head. Remembering all the details of [...]
BOO! I am depressed and YOU can’t do anything about it – but thank you for caring.
Posted in Depression on April 27, 2007 | 3 Comments »
I’m getting agitated with all the well meaning advice to my depression problem – and it has only been two days since I started talking about it. I’ve never been so annoyed by people who are just trying to “care” for me. I feel like such a bitch. I know my friends [...]
Is this the beginning of something bigger than I can handle?
Posted in Depression, Postpartum on April 25, 2007 | 3 Comments »
I’m starting to feel something that is familiar and unwanted. It is located in between my heart and my throat. That place where stuff wants to come out but it is too abstract to make its way through the mouth. I used to feel this way and blame everyone and everything around me for it. [...]
And this is why I wish I lived in a village…
Posted in Depression on April 20, 2007 | 2 Comments »
I am so depressed. These past two nights I haven’t gotten very much sleep because Bella’s sleep patterns are changing. She’ll still go for five hours but then she is waking up every hour. I wonder if she is teething.
Max is refusing to take a nap today. I laid down with [...]
Misc. Updates
Posted in Boobs, Death, Depression, Postpartum, Potty Learning on April 10, 2007 | 3 Comments »
I wanted to go into more detail about what I meant when I said, “I have realized in a big way that “adjusting” to having two kids is not about me but about helping Max adjust.”
I have found that having a second baby is not as difficult as I thought it would be. I [...]
It’s gotta get easier than this!
Posted in Death, Depression, Personal Realizations, Postpartum on April 5, 2007 | Leave a Comment »
The last two weeks have been difficult but survivable. I’m still having issues with RA in my right hand. Last week was tough because there was that whole waiting period between finding out my friend died and burying her. I was not very present in my parenting and Max acted out A [...]
