37 weeks 5 days

I really need to order my homebirth kit and get my supplies ready.  Yikes!  I’m procrastinating stuff that really should not be put off.

Today was YMCA day.

On our way.  I told Max to smile and that is the face he made.  We took about 7 pictures and he did the same thing every time:

See:

Playing:

Meal time!  I think this is his favorite part at the Y because he gets to sit at a kid-size table with lots of other kids:

I met two of my mama friends there and we let the kids play for 1 ½ hours then we had lunch.  It’s great because the Y opens their gym and drags out all their toddler toys just for the 3 and under crowd once a week.  It’s 3 bucks to get in but it is so worth it.  Even though the weather is nice right now, I hate going to play grounds.  If I weren’t pregnant and didn’t have to pee all the time I’d be more inclined to go during the winter months.  But summer?  Forget it.  Florida is way to hot for playgrounds.

Max is napping and I’m dieing to get back to the book I’m reading so I’ll be leaving this post short.

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Another sleepless night… and day.

I had an appointment with my midwife, Heidi, today at 10am. Max and I then went to the library to see Hal and have lunch with him. Usually, Max and I go to Whole Foods after my appointment to eat lunch. At Whole Foods, he eats pizza and may have a little of my natural cola. When we go out with Papa, Whole Foods is too far away from his work. So instead of good quality pizza we ate at Cece’s – where quantity comes waaaaay before quality.

At first I didn’t think this would have an affect on Max’s nap since we’d still be heading home around 1pm or so. Usually, he’ll fall asleep in the car, I’ll transfer him to the bed, then I’ll crawl into bed with him for a nice long siesta. Usually. Though, there have been times before where this wasn’t the case but like I said, USUALLY this is the way the afternoon nap go down.

Anyway, Mr. Bossman woke up from his nap almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. Naptime was abruptly over before I was even able to close my eyes. And yeah, that really sucks. I blame the bad pizza and high fructose corn syrup.

I don’t know how in the hell I’m going to function once Bella is here. I am so dependent on sleep in the middle of the day just to feel alive. Being tired is painful. I hate it. It affects every aspect of my perception and my mothering.

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My first night without max.

I just got home from dropping Max off at my MIL’s for THE NIGHT. I have been so looking forward to this evening since it became a reality about two weeks ago. It was two weeks ago that I decided we are ready to try this. Max is completely night weaned and sleeping through the night. My MIL is okay with him sleeping in her bed or her sleeping in the guest room with him. This is comforting because that means there is actually a shot that he will make it through the night without freaking out. Now, the thing is, will I make it??? I’m feeling a little sad about this moment of recognition that my baby is growing up. I mean, he is still my baby, and you know he always will be but… this is not only going to be his first night without me but also my first night without him! My heart hurts a little.

It is also important to let Max stay over there sooner rather than later because when I go into labor he will be spending that time with my in-laws. We all thought it best to break him in slowly so that when the big day/night arrives, he will be used to being over there at night (if need be – it would be so great if I labor in the daytime and Bella is born before night). If we have to go pick him up in the middle of the night, tonight, no-big-deal. I did, however, make it clear to my MIL that he needs to have been crying for at least 2 hours before she should call. I really want her to make every effort to comfort him and only call us as a last resort. I’m pretty confident that everything will be fine and even if he does get a little homesick I’m almost certain that she will be able to comfort him. They are very close.

So, what will Hal and I ever do tonight??? It’s our first night alone in TWO YEARS ONE MONTH AND 6 DAYS.

I had a great day with Max. It’s always fun to go out to lunch with him to Whole Foods. He gets pizza and I get a sandwich and we both sit outside and eat together. We’re usually there for about 1 ½ hours because we take our sweet time eating and talking. Today, I ran into my editor and we chatted it up for a while before she had to dart off to an important meeting. The mommy magazine that I write a natural parenting column for is growing fast. I don’t get paid to write for them (though, they do have a goal of one day being able to pay their columnist/contributing writers) but I don’t care. Believe it or not that isn’t why I do it. I just love sharing my thoughts and thinking, Wow! Someone is actually reading this! It’s really quite an honor.

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I really hate having to come up with a title.

I am so impressed with how well this baking soda remedy is working for my heartburn. I woke up – as per usual – at 1:30am by my tiny bladder and her partner in crime, Heartburn, who was threatening to push up some scary stuff milling around in my stomach. After tending to my bladder, which is ruthless in it’s screams for attention (the pain), I stumbled out into the kitchen and whipped me up a shot of BS. It worked instantly and I went back to sleep free of that bitch, Heartburn.

In my last post I mentioned that heartburn and the typical discomforts of carrying an extra 30 lbs (now 33 lbs) in my midsection is the only thing I really have to complain about with this pregnancy. What I didn’t make clear is that each trimester I had different complaints. I don’t want it to seem like I’ve already forgotten how much of a physical pain this pregnancy has been. Must. Not. Place. Rose. Colored. Glasses. On. AGAIN. Two babies are really enough.

I went to the YMCA today and as all the children were merrily playing, I looked over to the far left corner of the gym and saw a little boy standing there with his little nose glued to the wall. It freaked me out because my first thought was, BLARE WITCH! Then I reminded myself (quickly, before I ran over to rescue him) that no, that is how some parents chose to discipline their children. I was mortified. I mean, shit, what-ever works for them is fine for them. I just can’t imagine treating Max that way. It seems humiliating – even for a small child.

I know that a lot of folks see this “time-out” thing as a more gentle approach to disciplining – you know, because it’s non-violent. I can respect that. It just seems weird to me. Hal and I don’t have any “methods” at this point that we use to discipline Max. Each situation that arises is handled differently depending on what Max needs in that moment and what we are able to give. Admittedly, we both know that we need to read up on (real) gentle disciplining within the, um, next few seconds before Max does get “out of control.” Though, he is no where near getting out of control. But he is two! Boundaries are important and while we do set them, we just don’t have a “word” or “phrase” to call it – or a book that we can refer too for backup.

I nursed Max in public for the first time today in a long time. I was a bit hesitant to do it because I am 8 months pregnant and he is a toddler. That is not something people are used to seeing. He kept asking for num-nums and eventually I let him have them. He was pleased as apple pie and was so good and patient the entire time we were there (we were in a waiting room with lots of other moms and children). He nursed twice. I think he was getting a bit stressed by all the people and noise in the room. I made sure to only look at him so that I wouldn’t see anyone looking at me disapprovingly and to make certain he didn’t pull my shirt up. Everything was fine and I was proud of myself for doing it so modestly and shamelessly. Max is a really well behaved child and I feel lucky about that.

One of my mama friends commented today on how Max is obviously very attached to me. She noticed how he will venture off away from me very easily but will always look back to check in and make sure I’m still there. He rarely plays right by my side when we are at the YMCA or library but I always feel like he stays connected either with eye contact or dropping by for a little attention. This, I attribute, to 1.) of-course, his personality and 2.) to the fact that I nurture his personality by the way I parent him (attachment parenting).

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i was in survival mode, today.

Thank the stars Hal only works two days this week then has five days in a row off.

I had a doctors appointment at 11am and *stupidly* thought I could take Max with me. After about 10 minutes of doing damage control in the waiting room then 30 minutes of running around with him outside (all of this while waiting to get into a room), I decided I’d had enough. I rescheduled the appointment for next Monday so I could leave Max with the in-laws.

We then went to the park. I knew I should have pee’d before we left the doctors office but *stupidly* didn’t. After running around with Max at the park for 30 minutes my tiny bladder started to hurt. It has been decided that 30 minutes at the playground is NOT enough time for Max. He was not ready to go. It took me another 45 minutes to get him into the car. Half of that time I sat in the car behind the driver’s seat while he crawled all around the back seat both exploring and looking for an escape route. He threw the BIGGEST fit about having to get into his seat and kicked my already in pain arthritic hand nearly bringing me to tears. I actually do not have the physical strength to force him into his car seat – believe me, I tried. A part of me wanted to slap the shit out of him just to bring him into submission. But, I withheld, and continued to hold my urine. I ended up tricking him into the car seat by singing a ridiculous and obnoxious song which had him staring at me like, “what’s going on, mom?” Once he realized he was buckled in (I was like, mwoohahhahaa!) he started thrashing around and throwing another fit. The car was moving for maybe five minutes before he was out like a light.

I then went through the BK drive-thru and ordered a small chocolate milkshake, large fries, and a BK veggie burger. I took the long way home so I could eat in peace. Sitting down made my bladder hurt less. When we got to the house he woke from his car nap and started crying, again, about wanting to go to the playground. We got upstairs and he proceeded to throw another lovely temper tantrum. I finally pee’d and hardly anything came out. I had another appointment with a handyman friend of mine that I had to cancel because I was just not up for company at this point. Max kept crying and couldn’t decide between the playground or num-nums. All I could give him was num-nums. Thank God my kid likes to take naps. I nursed him to sleep and we both napped for three hours.

I just went back and read this mundane description of my day and felt robotic while reading it. Well, that pretty much sums up how I made it through the day.

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I should have just used an IV to pump the junk in.

I had a bad parenting day, again, today. I’m starting to except that these kinds of parenting days, of all varieties, are going to happen.

Everything was going fine until Max overheard some other kid at the YMCA talking about cookies. From that moment on he demanded to have a cookie. He neeeeeded a cookie. He wasn’t going to leave the Y without a cooookieeee. He somehow knew that he could get cookies from the vending machine??? I don’t get that because I’ve never gotten him cookies from one of them before and I’m pretty sure his grandparents have not, either. Kids are psychic.

After trying to talk him into his car seat for about 15mins while the entire time he was crying, mommiieeeee buy cookie! – I gave in. Something I swore I’d never do to my whining child. Give in. We walked back into the Y, I bought him his damn cookies from the vending machine and he was happy as pie. Getting him into the car seat was a breeze. Then, we went to Publix and he got another cookie. Then, I had a stupid craving for Cheetos and stupidly opened the bag in the car. He had Cheetos.

I wish we lived on a vegan commune. Sure would make monitoring both of our diets 100x’s easier.

I don’t expect Max to never have junk food but today was just RIDICULOUS. I am happy that I can say that this is the first time I’ve pumped him full of junk. I’m even happier to admit that it probably won’t be the last (takes the pressure off my back). My goal is to just keep these kinds of days far and few between.

Tomorrow is another day.

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