So yeah, life with Max has been challenging lately. He started pre-school last week at a local Methodist Church (not the Montessori school which is what I would prefer but can’t afford right now). He LOVES school. (See mommy jumping up and down with excitement…).
Those two scheduled three hour morning breaks have been nice but have proven to not be enough time alone. Call me greedy but I want more! For the time being, I’ll take what I can get. I have been completely unproductive during those three hours, instead opting to watch TV. Eventually, I’ll use the time for something else but I’m not rushing myself.
Max got a minor cold the first day of school and now Bella has it. I was up practically all night on Friday and Saturday with Bella. I have rather enjoyed being able to care for her. Having a runny nose is hard on Bella because she is exclusively nursing. Every time she’d latch on she’d start crying because she couldn’t breath. When this happened, I managed to work my momma magic and unclogged her nostrils. Eventually, she would fall asleep while nursing – but I was up watching her like a hawk.
I love being the tender parent who can sooth her babies just by gazing into their eyes or giving them mommies milk (and the music plays… I’ve got the power!).
Saturday, MIL came by to pick Max up for the day and I basked in my baby girl’s presence for what felt like the first time ever. It is really hard giving her the kind of attention Max got when he was her age because every time I try, there’s Max blocking my efforts. Its not his fault, its just the way two year olds are – they need non stop attention and they demand it. I include him in on snuggles with Bella but that threesome bonding only lasts for moments before he wants me to put her down and hold only him.
I was happy that MIL took Max on Saturday because it gave me a chance to really care for Bella. She got more sleep than she would have had Bossman been home. More importantly, she got many more mommy moments, which she needs more than ever as she fights her runny nose. I felt like a good mom on Saturday.
Bonding with Bella has been a slow experience but I suspect that is normal with the second baby. I’ll tell ya, though, in those moments that I do get to gaze into her eyes, snuggle with her (every night before we go to sleep), tickle her tummy (she’s very ticklish), nurse her, and kiss her pudgy face – I melt and fall deeply in love. The love is so intense it sometimes brings me to tears.
Bella’s skin has been a roller coaster ride. She still has pretty bad eczema. It clears on some days (never completely) and comes back on the next. I have been desperately toying with my diet, even going on the “Caveman Diet,” which I could endure for only four days. I’ve resolved to just avoid the common allergens (wheat, soy, dairy, eggs, & tree nuts) and hope with all my heart that she eventually grows out of it like Max has.
I have been doing well with setting boundaries with my MIL. Go me. It is a full time job but I’m getting better at it, it’s becoming more natural, and our relationship better for the change in my mindset.
I have decided to baby sit a couple of neighborhood kids who are 5 and 6 years old. One, Scottie, will come over after school Mon-Friday, from 3ish-5ish. This is really a good thing because it is around 3 that I hit a wall and get so freaking tired. It will be a godsend to have another child to occupy my son! The other kid is a little girl and she will only come over on Thurs & Fri (but not necessarily every week) from 3ish – 8ish. I won’t be making a lot of money doing this but right now, even $100-$200 bucks extra a month will be a HUGE financial help for my family. Before kids, that would seem like pocket change but now, whew, any extra money makes a difference.
I have experienced a huge shift in parenting. Recently, something inside clicked and I stopped getting so mad at Max. Maybe it is those scheduled breaks I now have to look forward too, maybe it is the reading I’ve been doing – I suspect a little of both. I still get frustrated and annoyed but feel less like taking it out on him (by snapping, putting him in time out, ect.). It is really hard to see myself as a good mother but deep inside, I know that I am. I bet many of good moms feel this way.
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