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Archive for October, 2007

Instead of a web, I shoot milk.

As I was walking toward Bella because she was crying in her playpen for me to pick her up, I looked at Max and said, “Hey Max, watch this… mommy is a super hero, I have SUPER POWERS… do you wanna see what my special mommy SUPER POWERS are?” He was so eager to see. I reached into the playpen and put my hands under Bella’s arms and said, “See, all mommy has to do is touch Bella and she stops crying… and look… now she won’t start again because I’ve picked her up! I’m a super hero!!!!!” He laughed. He thought that was funny.

Later on, we were in his room playing with his dinosaur, Steve, and I asked him, “Max, your mommy is a super hero. Do you remember what my super powers are?” He smiled and said, “Yes!” And then he looked down, pointed at my boobs and said, “These are!”

That’s right, I’m a Super Hero.

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Great News Just In Yesterday:

My social security disability was approved! I am so relieved. I will have to go back to court in a year for another review but that is a-okay with me. If I’m still nursing Bella, I’ll qualify again. If our nursing relationship has ended that will mean I’m back on my meds and able to go back to school/work so won’t qualify for disability. The good thing is, I will have it for a year and they pay me retroactive from the day I became disabled – three years ago.

We are going to be smart with our new second income. We started dummying up when I lost my disability from Aetna (private insurance, still fighting them with an attorney) over a year ago. We knew things would be tight and we’d have to watch every penny. We’ve been able to avoid using our credit cards sans Oscar’s hospital bills and a couple small home repairs. I am proud of us for not racking up the debt while we’ve been living under Hal’s income. Yay us!

Our goal is to continue to live under Hal’s income. We need to do a few more structural repairs to our home and take care of the yard so the kids can play in it safely. Other than that, we are paying off the small amount of debt we have and banking the rest. I’m even considering chipping bigger chunks out of our mortgage to bring down that monthly expense (the highest one we have).

Its funny, now that I know we will have more money, I all of a sudden feel I need so many things… a new camera, a laptop, a new double stroller, furniture, mini van… it is going to take a lot of self control to just wait on that stuff. The truth is, I don’t need it – I want it. It would be much better to wait on my “wants” until I am actually able to go back to work.

Hal and I are going to treat ourselves, but within reason. I’m getting some small tat work done, Hal might, too. And Hal is getting some nice new clothes for his new supervisor position he’ll be starting in a month. As he said, “I can’t have my subordinates dressing better than me.” I concur.

So this is excellent news for my little family. I feel like I can exhale.

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Our TV has been off and the kids have been playing together all day long. I mean, really: together. They’re totally feeding off one another’s energy. I suspect this will only get better. It seems that Bella’s new found mobility makes her that much more interesting to Max, and Max to her (which I didn’t realize was even possible, but it is!).

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I don’t worry about the affect TV has on my kids. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t notice what the affects are. Some days the tub-boob is on all day and it takes away Max’s listening powers. Some days it is on all day and we have fun watching movies together. And some days it is off all day and we have fun cooking, playing, and going on errands.

I try to keep a good rhythm in what we do every week but nothing is written in stone. This laid back attitude I have adopted has had an impact on how I deal with my ideologies. I use to be very uptight about my belief systems. I think if my ideologies ran my life, I would feel like a horrible mother and a worthless human. Or, I may just look at everyone else that way. No thank you. I don’t need that kind of pressure to be perfect. And honestly, it took motherhood to make me realize that I am not the ideas I believe and it is okay to fall short of the ideal. What can I say? I’m a slow learner.

I have done a lot of things in parenting the way I envisioned they should be done in my family. Most of those things place my lifestyle somewhere in the margins of our society. Homebirth, cloth diapering, extended breast feeding, co-sleeping, no vaxing, herbs and homeopathic meds, baby wearing, positive discipline (for the most part), not using a pacifier and maybe a few more things I can’t remember. These are some of the choices I’ve made that aren’t “the norm.”

These things used to be so important to me. These choices were my life. My identity as a mother was based on “what I did.” For a while in the beginning, I understood motherhood through the pages of philosophical and scientific parenting books. These days, I also understand motherhood by experiencing it.

I’m proud of the way I parent (past and present). I recognize many of the choices I’ve made as accomplishments, some as bad choices, and all of it as a learning experience. I am also happy for the privilege to have had the education to make the choices I’ve made.

The choices I made the first two years of Max’s life seem so far behind me and so small in the grand scheme of life. The challenges and accomplishments of today don’t seem to be connected to the ones in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I know that they are. However, those parenting choices have become one square on the quilt of my children’s lives. One square that helps build the whole.

I do use books to help me along the mothering road, however, I have come to accept that there aren’t really any books that can tell me how to raise MY children. It’s all suggestions. All those books really do is tell me what I already know to be true, open my eyes to ideas I had not heard before, and place a certain amount of pressure on me to succeed. They are guides and reminders and I value the knowledge they offer and the wisdom they drum up from within me.

I just read the latest issue of Mothering Magazine. I used to have a lot of respect for this publication, but now I feel like they should grow some real chutzpah and stop preaching to the choir. Speak about your convictions without condemning the masses. Stop printing such judgmental articles. Give your readers tools to talk non-judgmentally to other moms – that is… if you really want to spread the knowledge of your ideas.

I used to really like, Mothering, and I’m not sure if I just started noticing how crappy some of the articles are (sans Peggy O’Mara from my criticism – I love her) or if it has gotten worse over the last three years.

I’m not renewing my subscription. Mothering Magazine has served its purpose in my life but its time to move on.

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We baked delicious vegan wheat-free chocolate chip cookies today and have made ourselves sick enjoying them. The kids are conked out upstairs in front of the movie, Toy Story, and I’m finishing up this post.

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I started my period today!  It has been almost 19 months since the last time Auntie Flow visited.  Wow.

Hal really needs to get that vasectomy. Like, soon.

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Today is the first time Max has stayed at school for lunch. I usually pick him up at noon, but today I paid the extra 6 bucks to keep him there for another two hours. I’m about to leave to get The Bossman and I’m feeling pretty excited to see him. I’m also anxious to see how this extended day affects him.

My FIVE HOUR BREAK wasn’t really a break, per say, but it was a little less hectic without Bossman around. Bella is at that age where she is becoming quite demanding of my attention. She started to really crawl TODAY and to top it off, she’s not much of a napper.

Look, already starting to get into everything:

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Our bookshelves downstairs are like a baby’s dream come true.

 

After school…

Max did fine staying the extra two hours. Well, he did fine while he was at school. He completely melted down once I got there to pick him up. And on the way home. And for about 30 minutes after we got home. When I say “melted down,” that is just a nice way of saying he turned into the mythological creature known as Lucifer – only, in the form of a small child who somewhat resembled my son Max. To cast out the demon, all that was required was lots of patience, a kind voice, kind words, and reassurance of his mama’s love. No biggie.

I’m going to let him stay until two o’clock every Thursday from now until December. In December, it will go up to every Tuesday and Thursday (the only two days he is in school). We are looking into Montessori schools right now and with any luck, he’ll be starting there next August. My idea is to ease him into the five day a week program so it’s not too big of a shock for him.

I haven’t posted pictures of me lately! Well, I’ll just have to rectify that.

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It has been raining all day. I absolutely love rainy whether. In the part of Florida we live in, usually when it rains, it comes down for maybe an hour or less then back-to-sunshine. Today, it has been a beautiful grey all day.

I kept Max home from school yesterday because he has had a cold since last Friday. Normally I’d send him anyway (that is where he picks up these little bugs so why not send em’ back???) but his cough sounded a little congested. There are three things I take very seriously (aka: worry a little about) when it comes to my kids getting sick: congestion, fever, and earache.

He is getting better but I didn’t want to push my luck with too much activity plus other kids. He’ll be okay to go tomorrow. Last year he got sick for about six weeks. It never got bad enough to where I felt he needed to take anything but the herbs and homeopathics I was giving him, but it was hard to have him sick for so long. It was also hard because I got sick and was pregnant with Bella at the same time. I’m not a fan of antibiotics or over-the-counter medicine, either, so we toughed it out together with the natural stuff. I’m thinking this year, our immune systems should be like steel armor against those nasty viruses and Hal will be the one to get knocked on his ass for a couple weeks.

We carved our Halloween pumpkin today! I enjoyed it so much so that I need to buy a few more. Max didn’t like the way the inside of our pumpkin man felt so opted out in participating. He also thought the inside was scary and asked me to make him a “happy face.” However, he loved watching the process and loved the end results – I wish that was how he felt about everything. I know… I’m bad.

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It looks scarier in this photo than in real life. I’m so excited about Halloween!

 

 

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Me trying to feed Bella:

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Happy that I stopped trying:

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Max successfully feeding Bella:

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At the playground:

 

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I’ve been taking the kids to the park often, lately. I’m working on Max – trying to get him to stop fighting me when it is time to leave a place he is enjoying. This way, when I’m at the park – a place where there are actually not a lot of people – if I need to curse at him, no one will hear me. I’m still working out the kinks in my responses to anger therefore, every-now-and-then, I slip and say, I don’t care what you want to do, get in your fucking car seat. Of-course, he just says, no.

Then, I get another chance to reword my needs.

 

 

 

 

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