Archive for the ‘Feeling Good’ Category

When Hal is home, all is good. He has the next week off for a vacation and on Tuesday, we are leaving for a three day/two night stay in Orlando. Hal’s sister is hooking us up with a hotel and tickets to Universal Studios. Sometimes, I realize just how good life is and am filled with such excitement. I feel so incredibly lucky to have met, married, AND have children with Hal.

Every two to three months I’m needing to buy Bella new clothes. The girl is growing like a weed. Tonight, I just bought her a few new outfits in size 18 months! Tomorrow, she’ll be seven months old!!! As I was walking through the outlet mall, making a bee line from Carters to Motherhood (for a postpartum support band – more on this later) I felt really happy. I was by myself and every time I saw a woman with a small baby I had to comment on how cute and beautiful her baby was. I walked by a guy who had an unusually large Boston terrier (35 lbs.) on a leash and stopped to talk with him about how large his dog was (heh) and how I love Boston terriers. I had a lovely conversation with both the sales reps in the stores I went in.

Now, I have to go upstairs and comfort my son who is currently having a melt down.

Oh, wait… he just stopped crying and fell back to sleep.

Life really is good and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate being able to see that, again.


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Life has been pretty chill around here, lately. We seem to have gotten over and through our early year rough patch and have moved on to greener pastures. The shift started with an old high school friend offering to give me a free massage. I remember thinking after I read her e-mail, this is it! This is the start of something new! I know it’s silly, but I tend to see everything like a river… sometimes it flows peacefully and sometimes its out of control. It all depends on the surrounding elements. I’m the river. Maybe one day I’ll run smoothly even when the weather’s not so good.

I’m still seeing a therapist every week. She has also been a calming element in my life.

** Hal’s grandmother decided to give her grandchildren a chunk of money before she passes away, when we all seem to need it the most. Apparently, there is still a lot left over to give after she passes. We are shocked and very grateful.

Our main bathroom is in dire need of work so we’ve decided to invest the money in our home. We’ll probably go about it in the least expensive way possible, however, I’ve been having a lot of fun looking (daydreaming) on-line for tile, vanities, and bathtubs! Realistically, we will be replacing the linoleum flooring with new tile – possibly the stuff sitting in our garage if there is enough, it is left over from when we tiled our front door area. We’ll also be buying a decent, yet inexpensive, vanity/sink. IF the floor isn’t too expensive because of the water damage done to the particle board under the linoleum, we’ll put in a new toilet. I am really hoping we won’t have to replace the bathtub and wall tiling in the tub. We also need to re-tile half of our roof, clean our carpets, and do some yard improvement stuff with this money. Oh, and we’d like to by a nice 32″ TV. I think our current TV is a 20″, which is nice, but we are movie people.

I took out 100 bucks of our pre-inheritance to buy some new clothes for myself. I’ve spent $55 of it already. I don’t have expensive taste – Target clothes are fine by me – but my body is in such a weird middle place right now. I’m afraid to buy any pants because within the last three months I have dropped four pant sizes, and it seems like I keep losing weight on a weekly basis. Not complaining, but unpredictable weight loss makes buying clothes less fun when you’re poor and need to be able to wear what you buy for at least a year. I’m also keeping my larger sizes because once I’m able to eat what-ever I want again, my weight may go up.

After giving birth to Bella, I was a size 20. I’m currently a size 16. Funny how I don’t feel any different. I never see myself as being “fat,” regardless of my size. I also have never felt unattractive because of my weight. The only reason I want to be a size 10/12, is so that I can thrift store shop and find cool stuff! The era of clothing I like was made pretty small. A size 10 back then is like a size 6 now-a-days. When I was 24 years old, I was a size 8. Only now do I realize just how small that is.

** Hal’s sister works at Margaritaville in Universal Studios. She gets free tickets every month to either use or give away. We have been to Universal several times with those freebies. This time, as a birthday gift to Hal (July), Max (November), and me (December) she is giving us tickets to Universal and paying for a hotel at Universal. Walking distance from the park! For two nights! Hal and I aren’t “theme park people,” but when its free… woohoo! yipee! I’m actually pretty darn excited about this.

** I’ve been taking it easy since burning out last week from all the outings with the kids, but tomorrow I’ll head out to Sarasota for “camp.” My nature mama friends have organized a summer camp for our kids. I am what is called a “floater.” Max, Bella, and I pop in when we can without any commitment. If you are part of the regular camp you can drop your kid off on one of those two days for the duration of camp-time. Regular camp runs two days a week from 9am – noon and is held at a different mama’s house each time. All my nature mama friends live two towns away (at least a 30 min drive) which makes it hard for me to commit. If they do it again next year (this is the 2nd year its been done) I think I’ll “sign up” (which is a verbal commitment) to go full-time.

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The in-laws are on the way over to pick Max up. Have I mentioned this year is getting better? My depression has subsided leaving behind only the occasional boredom that comes along with being a SAHM. Boredom that has always been around and that I only first experienced once I became a SAHM.

Last week I received an e-mail from a woman whom I used to party with back in the day – way back in the day. It was a nice surprise to hear from her and an even nicer surprise that she was offering to give me a free massage. We had reconnected through Classmates.com a few months ago and had been keeping in touch through e-mail ever since. When I sent a mass e-mail out with BellaGrace’s birth story, I sent it to her. She was moved by the story of my labor and decided that I was in need of a good professional massage. She couldn’t have had better timing. When I opened her e-mail, I knew my luck was changing.

When she arrived we talked comfortably and she got along well with my children – a feat that could make or break a visit from anyone. There was non of that weird awkwardness that you may expect from a blast from the past. The one quality I remembered most about her personality was still present – only stronger and wiser. She has this quality of honesty – stand up honesty – that I’ve always admired. So we talked and laughed a lot and then she gave me one helluvah massage.

My body is always in need of tension release especially in my neck area. These days, I’m sandwiched in between two little ones all night – one who nurses periodically. A professional massage was just what I needed. And it was double-great that she came to me, baring all her massage therapy equipment. Dear friends who read this blog, if you are in need of a wonderful massage, let me know and I’ll give you her information.

The subject of our 15 year high school reunion came up. Oh yeah, I’m going. And I was able to rope her into going with me! I missed our 10 year reunion because I was living in Chicago at the time. I probably wouldn’t have gone, anyway, because it cost around $200 and was a three day event. I guess they expected most of the class to be childless and still partying. This time, the reunion is at a country club, cost $45, includes four other classes, and is from 7pm – midnight, on a Saturday. I can handle that. But I have to ask, dear reader, what the hell does “country club attire” mean??? I’m not quite sure how I should dress for this event.

I’m going because I like where I’m at in life. Had this reunion been right after Bella’s birth, I’d be missing it. I imagine that only people who feel good will be going to this event. Who the hell would want to go if their life was in out-right shambles? Unless, of-course, they are hoping (or expecting) to find other lost souls to comfort their mood. I’m expecting to see familiar faces without really connecting with anyone. I’m expecting superficiality from most and genuine conversation from no one. I’m expecting to see hidden sadness on many faces and palpable happiness from few. I’m also open to the unexpected. All in all, I think whether I enjoy the evening or not, I will be happy that I went.

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I’m going to start recording what I eat. Part to make sure I’m eating well and part because I don’t think I will be able to look back on this time in my life and believe I actually ate this well.

Last night:

Dinner: Canned baked beans, brown rice, and a salad the same as what I had for lunch today.


Breakfast: Oatmeal with sugar and grapes
Lunch: Salad made with spinach, romaine lettuce, carrots, purple onions, cucumbers, celery, a mixture of sprouted beans (for protein), & balsamic vinegar dressing (Paul Newman’s). 1 tbl of flax seed oil added.
Dinner: Lentils (protein) with cut up carrot and celery. Spiced just right, which for me means salty. Brown rice.

Today, for the first time, I felt really good all day. I enjoyed my kids more today than I have since Bella joined our family. I looked at Bella and actually thought I could have another one.

I felt like, I don’t want this to end! I want my kids to stay this age forever!

Hahahahaha! Even I have to laugh at the absurdity of that sentiment. However, its nice to be in the flow of things.

I just love these kids so much.

Please slap me now. Hard.

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And then I have days like today when I’m reminded of what I love in my life and why:

Oh, and I almost forgot to include this adorable shot… Nature Boy:

When ya gotta go… ya gotta go.

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Proof (to myself when I’m feeling blue) that there is “life after kids.”

There were lots of parents at the party, just none with a new baby. So, ya know what that means… every woman there wanted to hold Bella! After Bella got settled, ate, and napped she was passed around long enough for me to feel like I had a nice break. I talked with old friends, new people, and ate delicious vegan fare. Let me tell you, the food was awesome but… a vegan BBQ potluck is probably the only kind of food party one can leave still feeling hungry. Everything just digested so fast!

This was the first time just me and my girl went out and about. I’m so excited to have a little girl!

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Woke up this morning, ate breakfast, went outside to set up Max’s new pool. It is not as big as it looks in that picture. Anyway, he played outside for a couple hours (skin loaded with sunblock) while Bella slept in her playpen that we originally bought for Max when he was a baby (he has sat in it maybe a total of 2 times). Hal and I have ambitious plans for our back yard. We stood outside for a while talking/fantasizing about the additions and landscape we’d like to add. We want it to be kid-friendly and party worthy (for both adults and kids). Slowly but surely it is getting there.

I sat in Max’s kiddy pool to play with him – and it was fun! Kids + water = good times. Hal’s brother called this morning to invite us to a b-day party for one of O’s kids. It is to be held at the beach and sounds like a great time. Only, he just told us about it today – the day of – which I hate. He has a tendency to mention stuff in passing without any real details then spring the final plan on us the day of, expecting us to be ready for take off.

Hal and I have to plan for these kinds of events. We are not so spontaneous that we will forgo Max’s nap, guaranteed food fare for ourselves, and the subsequent sanity that follows when having these two things in place. I’m going to try my hardest to explain this to R the next time we talk – better yet, I think I’ll tell O (she seems to comprehend these things much better).

After play time outside, I bathed the kids, we ate lunch, and now Max is taking his nap. Hal is upstairs holding Bella and watching the Brit version of The Office. When Max wakes from his nap, we’ll go over to Hal’s folk’s house for dinner.

Speaking of Hal’s folks, I decided that every weekend I would just come right out and ASK my MIL to take Max on Monday. I asked her already and she said, yes! She’ll even pick him up – which is awesome. She loves having him – especially when it is only for a 3-4 hour time period (lucky for me, that is all I need for my own peace of mind).

I was drinking a Pepsi out of the can today and Max kept trying to steal it from me. I asked him if Lola (grandma) lets him drink caffeine (he calls all soda “caffeine”). I was happy to hear him say, No, but surprised to hear him say, wine. I said, “Oh? She lets you drink wine?” “Just a little bit” he said.

Oh boy.

I know what he is talking about, though, because I was there once when she let him “try” her wine. There was a very small amount at the bottom of her wine glass and he grabbed the glass exclaiming, “little bit in there!” Then drank it down. No one stopped him. I was just surprised that he seemed to like it.

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