Archive for the ‘RA’ Category

One thing about living with pain, you really have to mind your limits. I have over-exerted myself this week and as a result I’ve had a hard time today. My right hand has limited movement due to pain, I’m feeling extremely fatigued, and even a little depressed. This is my tap on the shoulder that I need to have a “do nothing” day tomorrow.

It’s been a good week and aside from my mini-meltdown to Hal on the phone this afternoon, I want it to continue to be a good week. See, today is Hal’s birthday and I have already done so much this week (party, play date with several other kids and moms and three stores in two days with both kids in tow) that I don’t have the energy to bake him a cake. Good thing the cake ingredients will still be there tomorrow and my husband is flexible like that.

Dealing with pain adds a special element to dealing with a toddler. Max doesn’t really understand my limits. Sometimes, I can get him to let me rest by putting something on TV that he likes, but usually that doesn’t work. My biggest challenge to be a gentle mom happens on days like today. I did “okay,” but still need to work on it.

Big Boy Max:

Baby Max:

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I took Bella in to see her pediatrician on Monday for her eczema. When Dr. Blanco, a warm mature woman of Cuban decent, entered the tiny room we were waiting in, I burst into tears.

My little girl is suffering and nothing I am doing is helping her heal. I choked out between sobs.

Blanco knows me as one of her mamas who only comes in for a sick visit when my kids are really sick. This means that both my kids have had only one “sick” visit and both of them went in for eczema. Anyway, not trying to brag about how little my kids go to the doctors, just noting that I’m not the worrying kind of mama. This eczema problem has reached a level of serious.

My stomach is in knots.

Blanco prescribed a new lotion that can be used as often as needed. It is not a steroid. It seems to be helping to keep her skin hydrated (still a little flaky but not as bad), but the eczema hasn’t gone away. We are taking her to an allergist next Wednesday. I’m skeptical about how much an allergist can actually help but we are desperate which = willing to try anything. I’ve given up eating soy, dairy, and eggs. I’ve even ordered creams off the internet with no luck.

I know this is shitty but… I keep saying stuff like, “if Bella’s skin clears up tomorrow, I’ll believe in you, God.” Crappy, I know. But like I said, I’m desperate. I’m also dead serious because a part of me really wants to believe.

Bella’s suffering brings me to my MIL update. I’m going to make this brief because lord knows I can be long winded about her. We are not speaking right now by my choice. I immaturely hung up on her while she was in mid-sentence repeating a criticism she has been singing for over a month now, “you are not doing everything you can be doing to help Bella.” A judgment that Blanco assured me is not true.

MIL’s other recent criticism had to do with Oscar – you know, how she has never put one of her dogs down. They have all died in her arms. Well, I got fed up with her judgments of Hal and me and am taking a break from her bull-shit. I’m too vulnerable right now to allow such an insensitive and judgmental person to speak so freely to me. The irony of her bull-shit babble is she knows nothing about eczema or pug encephalitis. Yet, she would do so much more than me to make things better for my suffering love ones. Blah.

Oh my gosh… moving on now… I totally forgot to record that I ACTUALLY LEFT THE HOUSE WITH BOTH KIDS last Saturday! We went to the store for Hal’s father’s day gift. They were well behaved and the outing was inspiring to do it again.

A friend sent me this link…

The Spoon Theory

It very accurately describes what living with rheumatoid arthritis is like. It’s a long read but worth it if someone you love has a disease that you “can’t see.”

I really hope that my sweet babies don’t get RA.

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