I woke up in excruciating pain in my right hand because we switched up our sleeping arrangements last night. This means that the way I normally position my hand to avoid pain was changed. It took me 40 mins this morning to change Bella’s poopy nappy. And of-course she had to have one of those blow-out poops that need hardcore cleaning. Blah.
Then, Max thought it would be fun to hide under the bed and squeeze half of Bella’s VERY expensive skin medicine out of its tube. I totally freaked out on him in a uber mellow dramatic way so he’d know how bad it was (and because he has been told at least four other times to not squeeze/play with products that are not toys). I popped him on the cheek and sent him to his room. He was crying and saying that he wouldn’t squeeze the tube again but I still made him go to the room – I needed to collect myself, finish changing Bella, and follow through with the time-out/cool down period for him. When I opened the door he was laying in his new big boy bed with his Elmo comforter pulled up over his body – he looked like he was just hanging out waiting to be able to leave the room. We talked about what he did again and how it was wrong, hugged, kissed and made up, then carried on with our day.
I don’t believe in perfect parenting. I don’t believe that reading all the right books will guarantee that my kids don’t turn out to be drug addicts or convicts. I read all those books to arm myself with knowledge so I can understand why my children behave in the ways that they do. And every-now-and-then I still commit offensives (according to the experts) – I yell, I loose it, I slap, I cry… I’m human. Sometimes I have felt bad for the way I’ve treated Max, leading to an apology and sometimes I have felt like my actions were necessary for the situation. My son watches TV and he eats junk food. Sometimes, he’s allowed to do these things because I need a break from him and TV or M&M’s are the only people in my village available at that moment. Sometimes, I let him just because he enjoys it.
Things were so different when I had one child. It was still tough. I still had difficult days. But things were different and I now can see how. I can see that it was actually easier and I feel so humbled by that. Don’t ask me how it humbles me but it does.
I used to be so righteous about my natural parenting. I used to think that if everyone employed the same parenting philosophies as I had, they would also be raising the ideal adult. Many of my convictions were based on this underlying need to be right, to always be doing right by my children, to be perfect, to raise perfect kids (even though I would have never used the word “perfect” to describe how I felt – I’m too smart for that – I think that was the goal I had in mind).
So much goes into this raising kids business – so much of myself, my husband, those around my kids, our extended family. I no longer feel solely responsible for how my children turn out. I play a huge role in their lives right now, I know that; I take that role very seriously, but they are still so young and will meet so many people that will have a larger than life affect on their perceptions. I feel less pressure to always do the right thing, to always be right in my parenting.
My imperfect parenting and my honesty about it is what will teach my kids that it is okay to be imperfect, to fuck up, to say you are sorry, to feel bad, to eat a bag of chips because you are depressed – all these things will happen but you will still always have the love of your mama, papa, and others in your life who have chosen to walk that path with you. You will always be forgiven by those who love you. Those who love you will not hold a grudge or attempt to make you feel guilty. You will always feel that the home you grew up in will always be your home – even when you have your own families and only visit on occasion. You will always be able to grab that remote control and turn the channel (even if I do snap at you to put it back on the show I was watching!).
It’s not my job to mold these kids. It’s not my job to carry the weight of their lives on my shoulders. Its my job to not put that weight onto their shoulders and to always be available when the weight is too much.
Having two kids has really humbled me the fuck out.
It is very humbling isn’t it? There are so many things I used to think(before I had kids) I would NEVER do, or without realizing it was judging other parents. I used to worry about whether I was doing the right thing, or what other people thought of me and my choices. Now I do what I think is right, I go with my gut. I ask others or read books/articles if I’m unsure of how to handle something then ultimatly go with what works for our family. I’m going to make mistakes, we all do, but I’m going to do the best that I can to help these little people grow into adults able to make their own decisions.
Love the pictures by the way!